Oklahomans for Reproductive Justice

This past Monday, I had the pleasure of joining a sold out crowd at the University of New Mexico to celebrate forty (!) years of the campus’s Women’s Resource Center. You heard me: SOLD OUT. This is no small feat in New Mexico, considering we’re a state known for our lackadaisical ways with, well, everything. So the fact that an event held for the Women’s Resource Center was able to draw such a crowd was…honestly, shocking.

I guess I shouldn’t have been that surprised, though, considering the keynote of the evening was the illustrious Gloria Steinem. The Ms. Founding editor spent her day in workshops and meet and greets with students, faculty, staff, and various community members, and there was a whole lot of hype surrounding her visit.

Personally, when I think of Glo Steez (my affectionate nickname for Ms. Second Wave Herself), I always think of the episode of The L Word (season 2, episode 13) where Betteand Kit’s father passes away, and she shows up at the funeral because apparently Melvin was some champion for women’s rights, even though he was totally dismissive of his lesbian daughter’s relationship and experience. It’s also the episode where Heart plays a tribute for the Ms. Foundation for Women alongside Betty, which is a billing that I really don’t think would ever happen outside of Ilene Chaiken’s bizarro fantasy playground.

Regardless! My point here is that I’ve never really been sold on the idea of Saint Gloria. While this evening was a really nice experience, it was also a reminder of how willingly we brush aside the problematic political pieces of someone who has done our movement a whole lot of good. We tend to forget that they lead complicated lives, and put them up on the pedestal of movement leaders who can do no wrong.

Well, Gloria has done wrong. A lot of wrong, really.

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Many of the people I went to school with already have at least one child, some have two children.  In small town Southern Oklahoma, life centers on children.  Most people have kids, and they have them at a young age.  The idea that you might not want to have children is practically unthinkable.

This focus on reproducing is not limited to where I grew up.  The United States is a very child-focused culture.  It fits into our whole American Dream, individualism-but-not-too-much-individualism, “bootstraps” metanarrative.  You will meet a person, fall in “love,” get legally married, and spawn two or more brats.  This is the blueprint for happiness according to mainstream American society.   In the eyes of the dominant culture, an individual’s failure to marry and reproduce implicates deep wrongness.  Indeed, there must be some tragic reason that they didn’t do what they were supposed to be happy. And even in communities and movements that willfully reject many of the narratives about American society, some of these narratives leave their ghosts behind to complicate and influence discussions and focuses.

A major difference between the mainstream feminist “pro-choice” movement and the reproductive justice movement is the focus on pregnancy and reproduction.  This may seem counter-intuitive.  Isn’t reproduction right there in the name?  It is, of course, but I mean that under the umbrella of “reproductive justice” we tend to talk about health care and sexual needs that do not have anything to do with trying to become or remain un-pregnant. 

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Caitlin Moran is pretty straight-forward with her view of feminism.

So here is the quick way of working out if you’re a feminist. Put your hand in your underpants.

a. Do you have a vagina? And

b Do you want to be in charge of it?

If you said “yes” to both, then congratulations! You’re a feminist!

Now, granted, Moran does come at the topic from a very cisgender perspective. Her views of womanhood are not inclusive, though she claims in interviews she is trying to change that. Basically, she approaches the topic like a straight, white woman, and there is little room for the experiences of others. This is most likely due to the fact that her book is more memoir than it is an actual manual of womanhood, much in the vein of Tina Fey’s Bossy Pants. So she isn’t really telling anyone how to be a woman so much as explaining how she slowly figured out what works for her.

If womanhood came with a manual, I don’t think high school would’ve been so hard. Rather than spending my time worrying whether or not the boy in my English class liked me, if my friends were all mad at me, what the hell was happening to my body, and why did I feel so horny and melancholy all the time, I could’ve focused on geometry, though I’m sure I still would’ve made a B.

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(Ed. note: This article discusses personal dating experiences from a cisgendered and heterosexual feminist perspective.)

I have always struggled with feminism. On my Facebook profile, I list “feminist” as my political party, but when I’m at my parents’ house, I’m a good quiet daughter that represents the family well and would never speak out of turn. It’s silly to say the least, but it’s always been hard for me to put what I feel is right into action.  I’m getting better about it. My parents are seeming to come around to the notion that I have a few political thoughts in my pretty little head, even if it drives my Persian father and Mexican mother crazy. Cultural training is hard to overcome, but I’m getting them there.

Another area of my life I’ve struggled with staying true to feminism is dating. Being a twenty-something straight woman, I’m sure I’m not the only one who has had a moment on a first date that made them want to scream, or maybe just cringe. And before I met my boyfriend, I used to have a go-to list of questions to ask a guy before I would officially date him. Perhaps it was a little odd to ask a guy these questions when we had just met for drinks or were standing around the punch bowl at a party, but I asked them nonetheless. And the main question I asked without fail was this:

If I became pregnant while we were dating, what would you do?

That’s a loaded question to ask a dude that you’ve only seen a handful of times, but if

RANDY SAVAGE SAYS ” BE A MAN ” !!

said dude wanted to enjoy consensual activities with me, then he had to answer. Many of them hemmed and hawed, ultimately giving me the sort of non-answer that makes you think critical thinking skills aren’t always being taught to their fullest extent. One man puffed out his chest when I asked and said something to the effect of “I’d be a man about it.” Problematic gender descriptions aside, I knew that meant I would have a baby and he would work to take care of us. When I protested and told him that I had two more degrees than he did, he just rolled his eyes and acted like that was immaterial. (Needless to say, that didn’t go past the first date.)

A little over two years ago I got the right answer and I’ve been with him ever since. When I asked my boyfriend what would happen if I got pregnant, he looked me in the eyes and said we’d talk about what to do. And that’s all I really wanted. Maybe it’s a trick question to ask, but I knew I wanted to be with someone who would always be open to communication. And really, who knows what I would do if I became pregnant? That would rely on a million factors and nobody can really say what would be right at the time.

Marisa is a professional student and writer.  Follow her on Twitter if you like irreverence and links to silly pictures.